Week 16 Review (No seriously!) Right here!

Ok, the advice column was so much fun, maybe we can try this ‘writing more than every 3 months’ thing here. And we’re off.

Snot on the Ball DEF Bobz Boyz 5-4-1

What? That’s it? 5-4-1? Wasn’t Snot like 250-3? And Bobz Boyz was a run and a steal away from winning 4-3-3?? Bobz Boyz? Let’s park here for a bit. (Snot will be thrilled after begging Blog to get back in the saddle, that Blog picks up right in the middle of Snot’s return to fantasy Earth after spending the first 15 weeks in the fantasy stratosphere). Bobz Boyz is the only team in the CPL that currently does not have a losing record against Snot (9-9-2). Bobz Boyz is the only team to defeat Snot this year (week 7; 4-5-1), but is that a reflection of how good Bobz Boyz is (answer: no, not really), or a reflection on Snot? Let’s start with what we know for sure.

Snot has spent the past 22 months building, planning, scheming, plotting and Adam Linding just for these next 2 months.
He’s assembled one of the all-time, on-paper rosters fantasy has ever seen.
In spite of an owner’s best intentions, there is a certain element of luck in fantasy baseball. For 2 examples, see Bobz Boyz defeating Snot in week 7, and see Live Chicken having a winning record so far in 2010.

It’s this unknown component that must have Snot really sweating right now. His playoff spot is secured, but that was done in March. He needs to win for 2009 AND 2010 to be a success, but this unknown component may actually be starting to add some drama to this stretch run. How else can the recent slumps of Wright, Hanley, Braun, Phillips, Butler and McCutchen be explained? How else can Tilt-A-Whirl’s unexciting 2010 mediocrity be accounted for? All of a sudden Jonathan Broxton loses velocity and starts getting hit hard? All of a sudden Adam Wainwright is getting drilled? Has the fantasy devil come 2 months too early for Snots fantasy soul?

Again, the answer is no. Snot still has multiple studs at every position. If 90% of his roster is on, he’s a 10-0 score just waiting to happen. He’s still clearly the odds-on favorite to win in 2010… but… stranger things have happened… Is there an Appalachian State lurking for his Michigan? Can a USA emerge to out-skate his communist dynasty? Anything is possible, it’s why we play the game. Should playoff teams head into the trade deadline conservatively under the false belief that they have no chance of winning? Absolutely not.

Stud of the Week: Mark Teixeira is a bona-fide 2nd Half Stud. A SHS. 10-2-8-0-.435

Dud of the Week: Brandon Phillips is terrible, unless I am betting against him: 0-0-0-0-.095

Regulators DEF Jobu No Help You Now 5-3-2

After getting destroyed 1-9 by Snot in week 9, The Regs were 35-53-2 and had publicly mailed in the season, trying to acquire picks and keeper upgrades by offering terribly one-sided deals to both contenders who are able to trade draft picks. But now, after going 39-25-6 in the last 7 weeks, winning 6 and tying 1 week, The Regs find themselves in the thick of the playoff hunt, in 6th place currently, but only ½ a game out of 4th place as of this writing (7-28-10 3:10PM Yes, Blog should be working…). This brings up a slew of interesting questions. Should The Regs now become a buyer instead of a seller? Should teams like Live Chicken and Jobu throw more picks at Regs to eliminate him as a 2010 threat? If they did, would Regs even bite? Jobu needed a solid Sunday to avoid going down 7-3, but they are still sitting atop the CAN’T division. And, now that they’ve acquired James ‘ the Anvil’ Loney today, well, frankly, Blog doesn’t think that changes a whole lot. However, the fact that Jobu traded Adam Lind as ‘the roster drop guy in a draft pick trade’ closes the chapter on one of the most lopsided trades in CPL history. So long Adam Lind era (or error he he he!).

Stud of the Week: Miguel Cabrera is the new Albert Pujols: 5-2-9-0-.500

Dud of the Week: Aaron Hill was good once, honest… : 2-0-0-0-.240

Live Chicken DEF uBOB 7-2-1

Live Chicken was able to extract some revenge over uBOB after his week 7 loss (5-4-1). As covered in the last post, Blog is very amazed that Live Chicken is able to maintain a winning record with this team. The elite talent is fairly thin (Prince, Lee, Pedroia) and injuries have really taken their toll on this team (Pedroia, Ramirez, Quentin, Choo, now Hart). It really seems to be a situation where his players seem to be balancing out their hot and cold streaks. Prince starts the season cold, but Vernon Wells is raking. Wells cools down and Brennan Boesch goes off. Boesch slows down and Carlos Quentin comes off waiver to mash. Quentin slows and now Aramis Ramirez goes off… and so on and so forth. It also never hurts to have an ace like Lee anchoring a rotation. uBOB better start making some trade offers before the deadline passes if he’s going to salvage anything from this disappointing year.

Stud of the Week: Aramis Ramirez 5-4-10-0-.360

Dud of the Week: The Carlos Silva resurgence was fun while it lasted: 0-0-45.00-9.00-0.00

Brain Freeze DEF Swine Nine 5-4-1

This may very well be the most amazing victory in the history of fantasy baseball. Brain Freeze won the week despite, get this, setting or tying futility records in 4 separate categories!! Runs – 27 RBI – 22 AVG - .194 SV – 0. The RBI and Saves tied to records, but now Runs and Average are BF’s alone. 4 home runs… 5 steals… an average that was almost lower than his era (.194 to 1.91)… and he still wins!?!?! That is amazing. This win is directly attributed to BF’s starting rotation. BF had 9 players bat below .200. 3 more below .222. It’s very difficult to bat .194 for an entire week! Bravo sir. Swiney, congrats on the 6th round pick. Trade Strasburg now before his shoulder falls off.

Stud of the Week: Could be Rickie Weeks, but Roy Halladay will take it: 1-0-0.00-0.75-10.13

Dud of the Week: So many options! Nick Markakis: 1-0-1-0-.083

Legends DEF Future Champs 6-3-1

3 weeks ago, Future Champs was a playoff team, but after getting decimated by Snot in week 14 1-8-1, they’ve slowly started to fade as The Regs took control of the 6th spot. Future Champs may have had better luck this season if they would have, you know, done stuff, but apparently that’s not their style. It’s too bad that the uber-season that Josh Hamilton is having will be lost into the consolation tourney. Legends needed this W badly after losing 4 in a row and 6 of their last 7. Legends has some serious pieces to move if they want to get serious about improving their rotation, which is their clear weakness. Having 3 offensive players sitting on that bench is a strategery that Blog is 100% against. Wasn’t BJ Upton supposed to be good?

Stud of the Week: Nelson Cruz is a fun FBL player: 2-2-7-2-.400

Dud of the Week: Pablo Sandoval needs to eat more salad, or less salad, or take steroids: 1-0-0-0-.083

Down the Stretch Advice

So as we head into home stretch, it’s time to review the teams in playoff contention and find out what their strengths/needs are, and find ways to get them to trade a draft pick to Regs for Alfredo Simon… (we’re looking at you Brain Freeze…). All season stats/rankings are as of Week 15, which was last week for the calanderly impaired. We’ll move in ascending order:

***(Side Note, does everyone know the Franchise Player rule? Rules 3.0 and 3.2 are summarized as such: you get 3 years to keep a player. If you want to keep a player a 4th year, he's franchised and he now costs you a 5th round pick... each year you keep him, the pick goes up. Players who have already been kept 3 times are: Pujols, A-Rod, Prince and Ichiro). ***

7th place team – Future Champs 64-76-10

Runs - 569 10th
HR - 128 7th
RBI - 528 10th
SB - 95 5th
AVG - .278 T 2nd
W - 66 5th
SV - 58 6th
ERA - 4.15 9th
WHIP – 1.35 9th
K/9 - 8.04 3rd


Needs – um… hitters and pitchers. More specific? Ok, hitters who can hit more than singles, and score runs and drive in runs. Pitchers who can get batters out and prevent runners from scoring. How’s that for specific!!

Strengths – Josh Hamilton, K’s per 9 , speed and average. Also, an incredible knack of lucking out when a starter gets left on the bench and having them get lit up instead of pitching well. FYI, this may have happened just a few too many times this year.

What should they do – Keep Hamilton, Price, Lester and start trying to move everybody else for better keepers and picks for 2011. Ichiro is a 3-year keeper… He MUST be moved. Even if FC makes the playoffs, it’s going to be ‘very challenging’ for them make any noise there. (Blog Dictionary definition of ‘very challenging’: Patronization. Really Means: ‘It’s Impossible, Give Up Already’).

6th Place Team – Regulators 69-75-6

Runs - 610 6th
HR - 147 5th
RBI - 605 4th
SB - 102 4th
AVG - .265 9th
W - 68 4th
SV - 53 7th
ERA - 3.30 2nd
WHIP – 1.23 T 2nd
K/9 - 7.74 7th

Needs – Before 8/15… draft picks, draft picks, draft picks!! And an elite 3B. After 8/15, 2 more late run closers, some luck in the rotation, and a whole lot of luck everywhere else.

Strengths – Still has tradable pieces that would help a contender: Chris Young, Jose Bautista, Mike Napoli, Francisco Liriano, even Andres Torres and Jacoby Ellsbury could all contribute down the stretch…. Hint… hint…

What should they do – Threaten to give Snot Young and Liriano for low draft picks unless another contending team steps up with a solid offer to prevent that. again… Hint… Hint… Just imagine how awful it will be to lose to Regs in the playoffs knowing that you could have gutted his roster for some measly draft picks…

5th Place Team – Live Chicken 71-72-7

Runs - 607 7th
HR - 150 4th
RBI - 588 6th
SB - 83 7th
Avg - .269 T 7th
W - 56 7th
SV - 80 3rd
ERA - 4.39 10th
WHIP – 1.34 8th
K/9 - 7.29 9th


Needs - Wait, how is this team currently 5th? They’re top 5 in only 2 categories, bottom 4 in 7 of them! Wow… bravo. They could use more speed. Scott Podsednik is their primary source of steals, and there are only 2 others with double digit steals, and Choo is on the DL. Another Ace or 2 would help (thank you Capt. Obvious. What team wouldn’t benefit from 2 more aces?? … oh, besides Snot…). Also, getting Pedroia back healthy asap would be huge. Another closer would really help too.

Strengths – With the additions of Hart and Quentin, and the resurgence of Prince and Aramis Ramirez, this lineup can bash. Verlander, Lee and Danks are a solid top 3. (Not Lincecum, Johnson, Wainwright… but you know, solid).

What should they do – Play uBOB every week… geesh…Offer Bobz Boyz 3rd and 5th round picks for Sabathia and Elvis Andrus. Jason Bartlett doesn’t need to be owned anymore and even if Andrus just bats .280 with 12 SB the rest of the way, it’s a huge improvement. Maybe offer BB Prince for Votto too since Prince has already been kept 3 times by this franchise. Maybe offer Prince and a 6th for Adrian Gonzalez and Andrew Bailey. If LC can turn Prince, his 3rd, 5th and 6th round picks into Gonzalez, Bailey, Sabathia and Andrus, well, they’ll still lose to Snot, but they’ll be right in line for a shot at 2nd place!

4th place team – Legends 73-73-4

Runs - 679 2nd
HR - 151 3rd
RBI - 623 2nd
SB - 139 1st
AVG - .269 T 7th
W - 48 8th
SV - 65 4th
ERA - 3.97 7th
WHIP – 1.48 10th
K/9 -7.94 5th

Needs – Pitching Pitching Pitching. This offense is legit. This rotation is not. Beckett getting healthy could help, hopefully, but when Javier Vazquez is your #3, you could really use some arms… has 3 quality closers, but that won’t be enough against Snot/Jobu.

Strengths – This is a very, very good and balanced OF. Bruce has slumped, but the return of Vlad the Impaler’s masking agent has really carried this offense. There is a ton of speed here too, unfortunately, too much of it is sitting on the bench.

What they should do – first, pay the deposit to trade picks. Then, beat LC’s offer of a 3rd and 5th to Bobz Boyz for Sabathia. Legends needs him more. Maybe Rios and a 3rd for Sabathia and Wilson? Cut AJ Burnett a month ago. Trade A-Rod somewhere for something since he’s already been kept 3 times (again, preferably pitching). Send an 8th rounder to Regs for Jaime Garcia and cut Javy Vazquez.

3rd place team – Brain Freeze 79-64-7 (notice, there are only 3 teams over .500)

R - 643 3rd
HR - 149 5th
RBI - 604 5th
SB - 131 2nd
AVG - .278 T 2nd
W - 70 T 1st
SV - 7 10th
ERA - 3.54 5th
WHIP - 1.27 5th
K/9 - 7.92 6th

Needs – closers… like, 5 of ‘em… send ‘em on over… if not closers, than upgrades over Wandy Rodriguez, Joel Piniero and Julie Chachin. This rotation is bordering on excellent, but the lack of relievers combined with poor fill-in starters negates most of the good work the rotation does. If those 3 scrubs above were converted into Rivera, Marmol, Rauch somehow… look out. A solid middle infielder would help after Tulo was turned into Carpenter.

Strengths – Solid offense, very good speed, stellar top of the rotation. 3 big pieces (Youk, Longoria and Halladay) have been kept twice though… something to think about.

What they should do – first, pay the deposit to trade picks. Offer Youk, a 4th and 7th to uBOB for 3 of his closers. Get Bailey from Swine. Trade Longoria to Regs for Bautista, Liriano and the great Alfredo Simon… right? Well, the first two anyway… oh, and offer a 3rd to Bobz Boyz for Prado. Also, they should NOT LOSE TO SWINE NINE IN WEEK 16… just sayin… no offense Swiney…

2nd place team – Jobu No Help You Now 84-62-4

R - 598 9th (really?)
HR - 171 2nd
RBI - 613 3rd
SB - 70 9th
AVG - .271 T 5th
W - 69 3rd
SV - 92 2nd
ERA - 3.44 3rd
WHIP - 1.23 T 2nd
K/9 - 8.24 2nd

Needs – First, pay the dep… oh wait, he did. Kind of interesting how the Runs and Steals are both so low. Speed doesn’t automatically equal runs, but it does certainly lead to them. How would Ichiro, Andrus or Chris Young look here? Even someone like Swisher, who would be the leader on this team in runs, could probably be had cheaply to replace Adam Lind, who, frankly, sucks.

Strengths – The pitching has been very strong, even with the recent struggles of Hughes and De La Rosa, but would I trust my playoffs with Nolasco/Sanchez/Scherzer as my 3-4-5 starters? (answer, no). Plenty of power here, but is it at the sacrifice of Runs and steals? Also plenty of closers.

What they should do – make electricity and internet usage illegal in the state of PA. Go get speed. Andrus, Ichiro, Young, Figgins from Legends (should be cheap). Offer Bobz Boyz an 8th for Swisher, and also go after Sabathia or Oswalt.


1st Place Team – Snot on the Ball 1,355,232,327 – 2– 2

R - 731 1st
HR - 184 1st
RBI - 706 1st
SB - 104 3rd (Third? Show some self-respect)
AVG - .292 1st
W - 63 6th (How do you sleep at night?)
SV - 111 1st
ERA - 3.06 1st
WHIP - 1.19 1st
K/9 - 8.93 1st

Needs – um… well, um… they could lower that ERA a bit, a couple more K's… and a few more steals wouldn’t hurt… otherwise, they may only win 8-2.

Strengths - Seriously though. Look at that. tops in 8 categories, and the categories really aren’t close. Only 1 team in the league has a team average above .278. Snot has 52 runs more than Legends. Snot has 83 (!!) more RBI than Legends. Snot has 19 more saves than Jobu. A 0.24 lead in ERA over Regs. 0.69 more K/9 than Jobu. These are big time numbers (Captain Obvious strikes again!). This is not a team that can be put together in one year, this is clearly a two-year project for Snot that has really come together according to plan.

What they should do – PLAY FOR 2011!! Look at all those trade chips! Snot could/should be able to get 4-5 more #1 picks with all that talent! (I tried guys… hope he buys it…)

2010 Week One Review

Well, we’re going to try this once again. Blog hasn’t finished a full season of reviews yet in the CPL… but no one’s better than Blog at starting things they don’t intend to finish, so with that, let the reviews begin again!!

Week 1 Review

Snot on the Ball DEF Brain Freeze 8-1-1

We’ll start off with the biggest win of the week. Snot began their quest for the title with a solid thrashing of Brain Freeze. Snot expects nothing less as anything less than a championship would be an immense disappointment for the 2008 Champ. Snot would probably like to see the average closer to .300, but otherwise they were solid in all numbers across the board. Brain Freeze couldn’t get anyone really going on offense. He got solid performances, but no one stepped up to carry the team like Ryan Howard did in his first week on Snot’s roster. He was a beast and came roaring out of the gate with 3 bombs, 10 rbi and an incredibly gracious .357 average. If Howard can bat .280 with his usual power numbers, we may be looking at a fantasy MVP season… Blog wants to know: Does Howard have a nickname? If not, he needs one. Lincecum and Halladay were both awesome in 2 starts and cancelled each other out. BF though didn’t have anyone to match the starts that Snot got from Brett Anderson and 2009 CPL Champion Member Adam Wainwright… both were stellar.

Stud of the Week: Ryan Howard 6-3-10-0-.357

Dud of the Week: Carlos Lee was terrible this week… Snot’s opponents need to hope this is the beginning of a Big Papi-esque decline, and not just a slow start towards his typical 30/100 season… 2-0-0-0-.130

Live Chickens DEF Legends 7-2-1

A very solid debut for new owner Live Chickens as they race out to the early lead in the ‘CAN’T’ Division. This despite only having one of his keepers (Pedroia) do anything that resembles keeper level production. Prince was average, Verlander and Zimm weren’t even average, and Cliff Lee is taking April off. No matter. Vernon Wells has found the fountain of HGH and has reverted to 2006 form. The Blue Jays played in Texas, and speaking of Texas, Nelson Cruz was dynamite for Legends (Arlington = 90’s Coors). Free advice from Blog: Find out who’s playing in Arlington and pick up offensive players for that team for that series. You’re welcome.

Stud of the Week: Vernon Wells: 7-4-7-0-.350

Dud of the Week: Miguel Tejada was certainly trying for this award, but it has to go to Jay Bruce 0-0-0-0-.083. Doesn’t he play in Cincinnati? Isn’t that a hitters park?

Regulators DEF Future Champs 7-3

The most cursed franchise in the history of FBL got off to a bit of a rough start under it’s 4th owner, losing to the defending champion Regs 7-3. Of course, after the disastrous 2 year run by Bounty Hunters, Future Champs wasn’t left with a whole lot to work with. This is their rebuilding year. Any success during the regular season will be gravy. Blog does think Aramis Ramirez would have been a better keep than both Hamilton and Peavy, but what does 2-time champion Blog know? Regs did pull off a mildly controversial trade with Brain Freeze, as the two teams swapped OF’s. Regs had drafted Carl Crawford in the 2nd round in 2007 and after keeping him 3 times, was open to move the speedster. Brain Freeze sent future super-duper star Justin Upton to Regs for Crawford and the varying opinions were fascinating. Not too many feel that this was an even trade. It was either an early season gift for Regs, or Brain Freeze took extreme advantage of Regs inability to keep CC. Blog feels that Regs wins the deal, but be reminded that Blog loves Regs so much he sleeps with him.

Stud of the Week: Miguel Cabrera is sober! 6-2-8-0-.522

Dud of the Week: Ortiz and Alexei were pretty bad, but Geovany Soto was invisible: 0-0-0-0-.091… nice comeback… schmuck…

Swine Nine DEF Ryan (where’s the new name??) Howitzers 6-3-1

Rumor of the early season is that Swine Nine has his eye on 2011. Apparently Swine’s offense got wind of the rumors and decided to do something about it. Swine was pretty short on draft picks this year, but early he’s gotten sweet production from guys like Magglio, Rickie Weeks, Rafael Furcal and Matt Thornton. I’d love to tell you where some of these guys were drafted… but I don’t have that information. Last year the league had a draft recap before the month of April began… hmmm… Blog does disagree with Swine’s choice to cut Everth Cabrera so early… especially for Edgar Renteria, who is actually older than Swine Nine. Cabrera hit .300 and had a steal in week 1. Cabrera has 50SB potential from a weak position! If he’s hitting, there’s no way he should be cut ahead of Rivera or Scutaro. As for Howitzers, they need a new name.

Stud of the Week: Matt Holliday’s pretty good: 8-3-6-1-.423

Dud of the Week: Michael Young is strugggelling… 3-0-0-0-.167. Doesn’t he know he hits in Arlington?


Jobu No Help You Now DEF Bobz Boyz 6-4

When is a loss a win? When you’re down 10-0 ½way through the week and manage to almost come out even. Bobz Boyz really escaped a big hole by making this match the closest of the week. Once again the boyz came out of a draft with only one closer. Also, dropping Nyjer Morgan was just as bad as Swine dropping Cabrera. Last year Morgan was a .290, 100 run 50 SB player before he got hurt. Is that better than Jeff Francouer? Yes… yes it is. Is 85% of that better than Jeff Francouer? Yes… yes it is. One more note BB, Ryan Ludwick stinks. Jobu gets the early award for injury bugs. He’s lost Aaron Hill for a time and may lose Jimmy Rollins here for a bit. Jobu also has to be really ticked at Trevor Hoffman, who lost WHIP for Jobu when Thor (who is on Jobu’s team) took Pujols deep. In case you forgot… Thor is awesome.

Stud of the Week: Thor 7-4-10-0-.375… what Albert, no speed?

Dud of the Week: We’ll give Aaron Hill a pass since he’s hurt. Nick Markakis, however, is healthy as far as we know: 3-0-0-0-.154

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Player of the Week: Matt Holliday filled all 5 cats nicely.

Pitcher of the Week: The NL could send Roy Halladay on an epic run here

Manager of the Week… Snot on the Ball. It’s his season until someone takes it away from him.

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2010 Draft Order - Rounds 13-End

Regulators (KennethC) also has 2 additional supplemental round picks not shown here... but his trophies are really shiny...

*** This Super Pretty Form was created by Snot on the Ball, who somehow lucked into the top 2 picks in the 2010 draft ***

2010 Draft Order - Rounds 1-12

*** This Super Pretty Form was created by Snot on the Ball, who somehow lucked into the top 2 picks in the 2010 draft ***

2008, 2009, 2010 Keeper Selections

*** This Super Pretty Form was created by Snot on the Ball, who somehow lucked into the top 2 picks in the 2010 draft ***

Blog has heeded the call of the PA and you will be blessed by the results. With the playoffs starting in just a few days, Blog is going to give odds on each teams chances of winning the 2009 CPL title. We’ll also rank each teams attributes on a scale of 1-10. We’ll rank batting and speed for the O, and Starters and Relievers for the D. You’ll get the bottom 5 today and the top 5... sometime later. Vegas will have these odds on their boards Saturday morning, so make sure to see your bookie before Monday. Let the beatings begin:

#10 – Bounty Hunters
Record: 70-130-10
Weeks: 1-20… seriously… by week 12 he was 1-11 and still waited until the last week to start playing for 2010? That’s some misplaced faith right there, and actually, some missed amusement… ask Snot how much fun it is to plan for next year.
Hitting: 1 – BH is last overall in Runs, HR and RBI. Not just last, but very last. They are the only team with less than 840 runs (782). They are the only team with less than 207 HR (182) and they are the only team with less than 797 RBI (690!!). Their average is ranked 2nd overall, which can be attributed directly to Ichiro’s presence. Michael Young and Aramis Ramirez are the only 2 players currently on the roster with averages over .300 besides Ichiro’s .360. In week 8, BH set the record for average in a week posting a .355. If that average were simply .300 (which would win most weeks), BH falls from 2nd place into a 3 way tie for 4th (.279). BH probably should have hit the transaction max each week trying to correct this offensive nightmare, and he’ll need to be much more aggressive next year during the season if he wants to bump up these numbers and contend for the playoffs in 2010.

Speed: 2 – BH did have some decent speed guys in Ichiro and Bourn, but since Bourn was moved, the running has slowed dramatically. If Bourn was still here, the speed would be about a 5, but moving Bourn was certainly the right move.

Starters: 1 – tied for the 2nd fewest wins, 4th highest ERA, 2nd highest WHIP, 2nd lowest K/9. Sigh… even if Peavy was healthy, he’s not going to make the difference here. The roster is full of ok guys with era’s in the high 3’s and K’s in the low 7’s. There are pseudo-aces in Zambrano and Marquis, and big let-downs in Dempster and Harang. Let’s move on…

Relievers. 1, but again, BH moved 2 quality closers (Papelbon and Valverde) at the trade deadline, so at one point, it was much better. However, there were 7 of the top 25 closers in terms of save were claimed off the FA pile, and not one was grabbed by BH.

Odds to win it all: Infinity to one, barring divine intervention… for 2010.

Bonus Coverage:
Bounty needs to become less married to his roster next year. How in the name of Nick Esasky is Garrett Atkins still owned in this league?? Atkins should have hit the road in June once it became clear to everyone that, you know, he was terrible. That’s not hyperbole either… he was TERRIBLE. Yet there he sits in BH’s 1B slot with his .229 average and 8 homeruns on September 2.


#9 Legends
Record: 88-108-14
Weeks: 8-9-4
Hitting: 4 - Legends is the team leading the ‘legalize roids!’ bandwagon. How else are Manny and A-Rod going to stay dominant into their late 30’s?

Speed: 7 - Figgins and Upton are 5th and 6th in SB’s this year. If Upton can ever bring the rest of his fantasy game along with his speed, he’d be a top 10 player, but as it is, these guys can run. Mark Reynolds has stolen 22 bases this year to propel his season into ‘top 5 surprise season of the past 5 years’ status. The only reason this number isn’t a 10 is because of the leg injuries to Beltran and Reyes. Blog needs to see their speed again before Legends rules the basepaths, and since that’s not going to happen this year, 7 it is.

Starters: 3 - It was much better before the trade deadline, but as it stands now, it’s a slew of 3rd and 4th starters who define mediocre. (See Lowe, Derek and Pettitte, Andy).

Relievers: 2 There are 2 waiver closers here. They’re not elite, but they’re still closing games, and since Legends is out of the playoffs, there are at least 2 teams (initials BB and BF) who will be watching them secure meaningless saves in the consolation tournament as one of them loses saves in the playoffs.

Odds to Win it All: 100,000,000,000 to 1, but they’re down to at least 100,000 to 1 for 2010…

#8 Brain Freeze
Record: 96-105-9 (record the past 3 weeks? 6-24… it’s now the #4 definition of ‘choke’ on wikipedia.)
Weeks: 8-9-4 (same as Legends, but if the season ended 9/2, BF would actually be in the playoffs… bizarre)

Hitting: 8 – BF is 4th in runs, 1st in HR, 2nd in RBI and 3rd in average. Hitting was not this teams problem… unitl the past 5 weeks. Out of 25 hitting categories, they’ve won 5. That ratio is step #2 in the ‘how to plummet from the #2 seed to #8 seed in 5 weeks’ manual. Still, they haven’t been eliminated yet, and they get to play BH in week 22.

Speed: 2 – 2nd to last in steals to this point, BF is very fortunate that Bartlett and Cruz decided to have breakout campaigns, otherwise the speed would be a -2. No true burners on the roster means that BF will probably not win this category down the stretch… (hopefully, if they take the #6 seed).
Starters: 4 – This would be a 6 if Halladay had been dealt and went turned into CC or Lee post trade. Instead, Doc has made it clear that his heart and arm aren’t in it down the stretch, and by extension, neither is BF’s rotation. Lester, Lilly and Weaver are all ownable, but between them you get a 3.50 era, 1.20 whip and 8.5 K’s (7 without Lester). Those are winnable numbers, but when you have to rely on De La Rosa, Anibal Sanchez (??) and the Tiger-terrible Washburn, you’re not going to win many pitching categories in the playoffs.

Relievers: 2 – coincidentally the # of closers on the team. Wilson and Gonzo were closers at one time, but right now they’re simply % guys who may luck into a save. Lidge, though a closer in title, stinks, so he’s just as likely to blow up your ERA as get a save these days. Next year, your team name should be ‘Brian Wilson?’

Odds to win: 500-1. Since I’m typing this on Friday and BF has a 9-0 lead and the current 6th seed, this is a lot better than the trillion to one he would have had on Monday… Here’s hoping that’s not a trend. (again, I’ll have the 3 seed)…

#7 Karma Kameleons
Record: 93-102-15
Weeks: 10-10-1

Not going to waste a lot of time here since KK didn’t find it necessary to waste time on his own team. Too bad… he was 4-2-1 down the stretch and had legit shot at sneaking into the tourney. Adios.

Hitting: 5 – pretty average across the board. Some nice pieces, and the overall #’s could have been better with some moves here.
Speed: 0 – Juan Pierre got all his SB’s for Snot, Damon doesn’t run anymore, and Prince Fielder too fat.
Starters: 6 – 2 aces (Lee and Verlander) but a bunch of average after that. (Zach Duke? Ew.)
Relievers: 6 – 3 elite closers.

Odds to win it all: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 to 1… if through some ridiculous miracle KK makes the tourney and wins, I quit fantasy.

#6 Bobz Boyz
Record: 97-98-15
Weeks: 10-10-1

This number’s probably going to change this week, which is bad news for the Boyz, because the playoffs start Monday. Overall, though this season was still a disappointment based on the starting position (done with the draft by the 13th round…), it’s a vast improvement over their rookie campaign. If this trend continues, the Boyz may win a title by 2014… if Regs and Snot are banned from the internet.

Hitting: 3 – Look at all the disappointments still on the roster: Berkman, Quentin, Ramirez, Bruce, Ludwick… even Markakis. They all produced in some fashion, but none lived up the pre-season expectations. If ½ of these guys had stepped up, this could have been a very different season.

Speed: 5. Ellsbury himself can win steals in a week. He leads the majors and has put up decent across the board numbers along the way. Choo, Aybar and Ramirez have done some running, but not enough to keep the overall numbers above mediocre.

Starters: 4 Sabathia and Cain are both very good this year, but just not quite fantasy aces. The K/9’s are both under 8, and fantasy aces have to get above that #. Garza and Shields were average, and there was never really a consistency to the back end of the rotation. Should the Boyz have at least made an effort to get Haren/Lackey/Beckett? Yes… yes they should have.

Relievers: 0… let’s move on…

Odds to win it all: 5,000,000 to 1… it’s not that easy to go from down 8-2 to up 8-2 in 3 days, but that’s what BB has to do.


Teams 5-1 will get posted later… at some point… maybe…