Week 12 Review

I want to say first that several of you have referenced your appreciation of this blog in various mediums over the past few weeks. I want you all to know that this MUST continue. There will be special rewards for those owners who acknowledge the brilliance of this blog throughout the season. For example: “Slump Chump magnificently managed to grasp another tie from the jaws of victory this week”. Note the positive adverb ‘magnificently’ included in the analysis. Or, if like the Bounty Hunters, you choose to honor this blog all season long in your smack talk, you will receive favorable reviews such as the following: “Bounty Hunters thrashed BOB’Z BOYZ last week proving that they sucked just a little less then their previous 4 winless weeks would indicate!” Note the exclamation point to emphasize Bounty Hunters less than sucky performance last week. (Even though you’re going DOWN this week!) So, if you want the same kind of biased leanings toward your team on this blog, earn it. I can be bought.

Jobu’s Hats for Bats DEF Snot on the Ball 8-2! Whoa…

Last week, Snot took great offense to my calling Jobu a potential contender. I wonder how Snot feels this morning, after getting throttled by Jobu’s voodoo. Neither team put up the type of offensive numbers we’ve seen from them in the past, but Jobu swept all the pitching categories fairly convincingly. Snot became the first team in CPL history to put up a goose egg for his win total. Despite Snot’s early season dominance, the odds makers in Vegas have taken notice of Jobu’s surge, and this emphatic victory only proves that Snot’s 9.5 game lead certainly isn’t as insurmountable as it appeared even last week. These two contenders have now each blown the other out in their first two meetings this season. The rubber matchup will take place on week 20 when Jobu will host Snot. Getcha popcorn ready… it should be a slugfest.
> Stud of the Week: Both offensives were fairly balanced, so we’ll throw this award at a closer. Joakim the Dream Soria threw up 5 saves this week with an impressive stat line to boot: 0/5/0.00/0.20/9.00
> Dud of the Week: First half MVP candidate Chase Utley completely vanished this week, going 0-24 at one point: 2/0/2/0/.050

Papi’s Space Cadets DEF L.L.Longball 6-3-1

Papi continued his march towards the playoffs by handling the stylish one in their second meeting of the year. Papi owned all the hitting categories, but Longball kept on running wild. Longball now has 32 steals over the past 2 weeks. BOB’Z BOYZ only has 53 for the entire season! Papi hasn’t lost since week 7, and is only 1.5 games out of the 4th playoff spot. Longball’s two week winning streak was snapped, but they are still only one game out of a playoff spot, which does speak to the improvement of the Those Who Can’t Division. Even though the champion will certainly come from the CAN division, it’s good to see the B League keep things competitive this deep into the season. Bravo! (Note, I have not received any positive blog feedback from either of these franchises).
> Stud of the Week: All due respect to Aubrey Huff, we’re pretty sure that Papi is thrilled that Vlad the Impaler decided to show up finally: 7/3/7/0/.440
> Dud of the Week: The Phillies really had a rough time. Pat Burrell makes it 2 for 2 with Philly duds: 0/0/0/0/.143

Bounty Hunters DEF BOB’Z BOYZ 8-1-1 Way to go!

Shockingly, BOB’Z BOYZ was not able to maintain their momentum from not losing for 2 weeks in a row, as Bounty Hunters was able to break their 4 week winless streak in a big way. BB did run into some bad luck, as some ace-level starts were left without the W to show for it, but BH’s stable of elite closers were able to keep the WHIP down and the K/9 up. The injury bug jumped up and bit BH in a big way this week, knocking Carlos Zambrano down for a couple weeks, but Andy Pettitte and Jeremy Guthrie both put up stellar weeks as the Bounty Hunters re-took the lead in the B division. The week could have turned out differently if BB had received any production from the hitters he’s acquired via trade recently, but the elite combination of Mark DeRosa, Mark Reynolds, Hunter Pence and Yunel Escobar went a combined 11/3/4/0. Escobar had the highest average of the 4 at .238. yikes.
> Stud of the Week: Andy Pettitte is on fire: 2/0/0.00/0.92/9.00
> Dud of the Week: I saw this guy hit a home run last year at Pawtucket (or maybe 2 years ago, I forget). But David Murphy didn’t hit much of anything last week: 1/0/1/0/.071

And now, for the snoozers…

Regulators Tied Legends Tied Slump Chump Tied Swine Nine 5-5-5-5

First, Regs and Legends. Each team had a consecutive-weeks-without-losing-a-category-streak going, but only one would leave with their streak intact. Legends became the first team to beat the Regs in steals this year, 8-6, thanks to 2 things: The Regs season low steal total, and A-Rod. That stupid, self-absorbed, arrogant, Yankee, Kobe wannabe stole 3 bases this week, securing the win for Legends. May he tear his groin on his next SB attempt. Meanwhile, Legends has now won K/9 12 weeks in a row. His totals have gone down progressively for the past 4 weeks, but still, no one has been able to take that category from him yet. Only Swine Nine has a higher K/9 on the season, but expect that to change since he’s traded every last one of his K/9 heavy pitchers. On a positive note, Regs backed into the 6th playoff spot. Yippee. Legends currently sits 4th. Yippee skippee.
> Stud of the Week: Jermaine Dye went OFF: 7/5/13/0/.417
> Dud of the Week: Thanks for nothing BJ Upton: 2/0/1/0/.211

Second, Slump Chump and Swine Nine: Slump Chump did set a record this week with his ridiculous .345 average, but unfortunately for him and Chumps everywhere rooting on their hero, his team couldn’t pitch a lick. Swine you know, ran a little, pitched a little better. Nothing spectacular. Slump now has 3 ties in a row. Swine has 4 ties so far this season. These two teams are beginning to excel at mediocrity. Looking on the bright side though, they really don’t have the stress of trying to make the playoffs to deal with down the stretch, so they got that going for them… which is nice…
> Stud of the Week: Prince Fielder finally found some veggies that taste like steak: 9/5/8/0/.364
> Dud of the Week: Kyle Davies still has a job, both in the majors, and in fantasy! 0/0/33.75/6.00/6.75

We’re adding a few small things to the review as a way for the Fantasy Regulator to continue to judge others. Here we go:

Manager of the Week: Jobu is on an historic run, and thrashing the current top team is icing on the cake.

Player of the Week: Jermaine Dye of Legends

Pitcher of the Week: Andy Pettitte of Bounty Hunters