Week 15 Review

Snot on the Ball SKUNKED BOB’Z GIRLY MEN 10-0, zip, zilch, nada etc…

Snot on the Ball brutally grabbed momentum away from Jobu by becoming the 3rd team in CPL history to sweep all 10 categories in a week. (The first team? Here’s a hint. It starts with R, and rhymes with ‘egulators’). Snot had 9 categories wrapped up pretty early in the week, and was able to secure wins late Sunday thanks to another brilliant start from Tilt-a-Whirl Lincecum. Based on records and rosters, this shouldn’t be a huge surprise, but there have been 185 contests in the past 2 years, and only 3 sweeps. It is the equivalent of throwing a no-hitter, and Blog must acknowledge it. As for the newly crowned Girly Men, this puts them at 50-92-8. There are 7 weeks left in the regular season (wow). That’s 70 categories. For Bobbie to finish at .500, she’ll have to post a record no worse than 56-14. yeah… no kidding… especially after Regulators slap 8 losses on them this week alone. Good luck rebuilding BGM. That process should begin in earnest, well, 5 weeks ago, but definitely now. As for Snot, they have a pretty favorable schedule the next few weeks, and could just about put the #1 seed out of reach before their huge week 20 showdown with Jobu. They have a 7 game lead right now, and if they can go 30-10 over the next 4 weeks (and they could go 30-10 over the next 4 weeks), we might see more drama around the 4-6 seeds than the 1-3 seeds as the playoffs rapidly approach.
> Stud of the Week: 4 members of Snot’s OF went 22/11/38/5/.345 combined this week. 2 of them weren’t even drafted. Blog is breaking precedent this week and awarding co-Studs: Josh Hamilton 4/2/11/3/.323 and Nate McLouth 9/4/9/2/.290
> Dud of the Week: Even though Mark Ellis was really, really bad, Carlos Gomez was really, really worse. 0/0/1/0/.038. As you can see from the numbers above, he certainly wasn’t missed.

Legends DEF Bounty Hunters 7-2-1

Bounty Hunters continued their mid-season struggles and now for the first time this year find themselves out of the playoffs as the 7th seed. Legends saw their division lead swell to 9.5 games as they began to separate themselves from the rest of the CAN’TS and moved closer towards the coveted #2 seed. Legends was also able, once again, to make a big comeback in the K/9 category, though this comeback wasn’t so dramatic. The offensive categories were all fairly close as Legends won runs by 2, HR by 1, and RBI by 4. Bounty Hunters also continued to be slammed by injuries as Aaron Harang went down with an arm injury. He certainly hadn’t lived up to his draft spot (#24) and now BH can only hope he gets right for the 2nd half. BH has had only one week with over 40 RBI this year. Slump Chump has the next fewest weeks of 40 RBI, but he at least has 6. Blog simply finds this interesting. Blog would also like to remind all Dan Haren haters out there (you know who you are, right Snot?) that Blog liked Haren last year, and liked him this year, so his 13th!! overall ranking doesn’t surprise Blog at all.
> Stud of the Week: Johnny Peralta had a very good offensive week, but offense on both sides was fairly weak, and Haren had a great start but wasn’t credited with the W, so we’ll go with another waiver-wire steal in Edison Volquez: 1/0/1.29/1.14/12.86.
> Dud of the Week: Kosuke Fukudome is Chicagoan for “Do not trade Alfonso Soriano for me”. 1/0/1/0/.158. The Pork Pilferer strikes again…

Jobu’s Hats for Bats DEF Papi’s Space Cadets 7-3

Blog would like to remind Jobu that Blog ‘hoses’ no one. Blog simply pontificates on Blog’s own observations. If Blog says Francisco Cordero is a fan of Jar-Jar Binks, it means that there is a “Jar-Jar Fan Club President” card in Mr. Cordero’s wallet. Never question Blog in that manner; Blog doesn’t care how long your unbeaten streak is now (11). Jobu had 9 steals from 3 people, but what Blog finds amusing is that 3 of those were from Big Fat Lance Berkman, who now has 15 on the year. This is, of course, way beyond Berkman’s career high, because as we’ve already established, Berkman is a big fat guy. Generally, as a rule, big fat guys don’t project to 25 steals, so physicists may want to look a bit closer at this. Blog would also like to pass along best wishes to Chone Figgins, who’s father had a stroke on Friday. Blog would also like to quickly point out that Figgins was kept for his speed, and he has 16 steals so far. Figgins, small fast guy, 16 steals, Berkman, big fat guy, 15 steals. Weird.
> Stud of the Week: Honestly, not a whole lot of super goodness to choose from here. If Papi had been a bit closer, this would be Youk’s, but instead it goes to Matt Kemp for his overall effectiveness: 5/2/6/3/.290
> Dud of the Week: Jeff Kent was the epitome of Super Badness this week. and in the cool, Superbad way: 0/0/1/0/.056. Can you say ‘snip snip’?

L.L. Longball DEF Swine Nine 6-3-1

Longball swapped spots with Bounty Hunters and took over the #5. (Regs sat motionless at #6). Longball had their best over-all week of the season, as they posted season highs in HR (15 – tied week 1) and WHIP (1.09), and flashed their highest average (.306) since week 4. The only thing keeping this from being a major route was some continued solid pitching from Swine. Even though they’ve moved Webb, Lincecum, K-Rod, Kazmir, Nathan, Valverde, Chamberlain, and the phenomenal Rich Hill, Swine is still posting sick pitching numbers (2.24era, .98whip). In fact, that .98 whip would have set the season low, if not for the ridiculous pitching numbers we’ll get to next. (grrrr…). His rotation is a who’s who of spot starters and waiver locks, but for some reason, bacon is the magic meat for guys like Mussina, Wakfield, Lowe, Pelfry, and friggin Cliff Lee.
> Stud of the Week: Apparantly, Ryan Howard starts Spring Training on May 15: 7/5/8/0/.370
> Dud of the Week: Blog isn’t sure if Coco Crisp was in the lineup for Swine, but he stinks anyway: 1/0/0/0/.000

Regulators TIED Slump Chumps 5-5

Blog had previously pointed out Slump Chumps notorious ability to be mediocre and end up with a tie, however, Slump is not the season leader in ties. That distinction belongs to the Regulators, who have seen the dreaded 5-5 score show up 5 times this year. How stinking ironic. The most fun part is that this has happened 3 of the past 4 weeks (interrupted by a 6-4 week). This may be the most unenthusiastic 4 week stint that didn’t involve a loss OF ALL TIME. Anyway, this was the 2nd rematch of last years championship (Slump took week 7, 7-3). Slump, being a chicken coward fraidy cat, ran away and hid mid-week after his stupid pitchers put up record numbers in era and whip (.95 and .80, but they were even lower on Thursday after 44IP). Regulators, in the meantime, had 9 starting pitchers fail to get one victory all week, and posted a big goose egg in that category. Slump is only 1 ½ games out of the #6 spot (help by Regs), so neither team was really able to help themselves in the playoff push. These two franchises will meet one more time, in week 21, the 2nd to last week, in a game that may have huge post-season implications, provided Slump doesn’t chicken out, being the fraidy cat that he is…
> Stud of the week: Chris Davis! Who you ask? The uber-prospect from Texas went: 8/3/6/0/.321. He now has 6 homers in 58 AB! You should all be offering Regs multiple picks and players for this superstar in the making.
> Dud of the week: Didn’t you used to be Carl Crawford?? 0-25?? Really? Jerk. 1/0/0/1/.038.

Manager of the Week: Has to be Snot. A Skunk is a Skunk is a Skunk.

Player of the Week: Ryan Howard is bad man…

Pitcher of the Week: Webb, Santana, Hudson, Buehrle, Nolasco, and Duchscherer. Jerks.