Monday, September 8, 2008

First Round Playoff Review (AKA Death to Bernard Pollard!!)

Blog is going to produce this update with a heavy heart, and an aching ACL. Tom Terrific, or as he's known here in NE, The Greatest Football Player Ever, was viciously and maliciously struck down by Bernard Anti-Christ Pollard. Please keep that in mind as you read this tear-stained review, and please pause for a moment of silence in memory of the 2008 NFL season, because despite what Cowboy or Eagle fans may think, this season is NOT HAPPENING.

#3 Regulators DEF #6 Papi's Space Cadets 8-2

OK, Blog's feeling better already. There was a brief moment on Saturday afternoon, after Fernando Heart Attack Rodney put 3 runners on in 1/3 of an inning, when Papi tied the score 5-5 and held a lead in ERA. Rodney was then able to strike out Joe Ever-Overrated Mauer and then he threw a meatball to Justin the Canadian Hammer Morneau, who hit a ball as hard as a Canadian can hit it, only to have Air Polanco snare it out of the air. This brought the score back down to 5-4 Regs, and it was all downhill from there. Regs took Average (by .001) and ERA on Sunday to make the score worse than the week actually was, but the real story here may be what is being called possibly the WORST FANTASY WEEKEND IN THE HISTORY OF FAKE SPORTS. PSC lost in the first round of the playoffs to a life-long rival, and then watched in horror as his fantasy QB went down in a heap 20 minutes into the Season That's Not Happening. Just a miserable 48 hours for PSC, but at least he gets one more week to compete for 5th place.

> Stud of the Week: Rios and Soriano carried the offense for Regs, but the stud of the week was Ben Sheets. 14 innings, no runs, and a .64 WHIP ensured that Regs took ERA and WHIP and the week: 1/0/.0.00/0.64/4.50

> Dud of the Week: You knew the magic that was the 2008 season of Fernando Tatis just couldn't last: 0/0/1/0/.083. Could PSC have used Andre 'Better than Fernando Tatis' Ethier instead of Tatis this week? Yes. Yes he could have.

#5 L.L. Longball DEF Jobu's Hats for Bats 5-4

In a pretty big upset (but one predicted by Blog), Longball shut down Jobu's high-octane offense and earned a showdown with Snot on the Ball with a dramatic 5-4 victory. Jobu had given up ERA early on, and heading into Sunday, trailed RBI by 4. Jobu ended up losing RBI by 3, as they only posted 33 for the week. Just to rub it in, here are the players who posted 1 or 0 RBI for the week: Soto, Roberts, Braun, Drew, Kemp, Young, Lowell, Thome. Granted, some may have been on Jobu's bench when they drove in a run or 2, but still: those names should be able to come up with 4 extra RBI in a week. It's good to see Jobu's still managing the roster, gunning for 5th place, but there has to be some disappointment there after such a strong summer. Longball got some serious pitching from his Phillie Starters Not Named Blanton, and needed every single one of Willy Taveras' 4 steals. Longball also benefited from big weeks from his big bats: Howard and Cabrera. There was also a slight Dan Uggla sighting...

> Stud of the Week: Miggy Cabrera and his 9 RBI are a big reason for this upset: 4/3/9/0/.348

> Dud of the Week: Jobu called out Brian Roberts, who was awful, but Blog blames the loss on Jim Thome, who is supposed to be a Run Driver Inner: 2/0/0/0/.154. Not so much...

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