Down the Stretch Advice

So as we head into home stretch, it’s time to review the teams in playoff contention and find out what their strengths/needs are, and find ways to get them to trade a draft pick to Regs for Alfredo Simon… (we’re looking at you Brain Freeze…). All season stats/rankings are as of Week 15, which was last week for the calanderly impaired. We’ll move in ascending order:

***(Side Note, does everyone know the Franchise Player rule? Rules 3.0 and 3.2 are summarized as such: you get 3 years to keep a player. If you want to keep a player a 4th year, he's franchised and he now costs you a 5th round pick... each year you keep him, the pick goes up. Players who have already been kept 3 times are: Pujols, A-Rod, Prince and Ichiro). ***

7th place team – Future Champs 64-76-10

Runs - 569 10th
HR - 128 7th
RBI - 528 10th
SB - 95 5th
AVG - .278 T 2nd
W - 66 5th
SV - 58 6th
ERA - 4.15 9th
WHIP – 1.35 9th
K/9 - 8.04 3rd


Needs – um… hitters and pitchers. More specific? Ok, hitters who can hit more than singles, and score runs and drive in runs. Pitchers who can get batters out and prevent runners from scoring. How’s that for specific!!

Strengths – Josh Hamilton, K’s per 9 , speed and average. Also, an incredible knack of lucking out when a starter gets left on the bench and having them get lit up instead of pitching well. FYI, this may have happened just a few too many times this year.

What should they do – Keep Hamilton, Price, Lester and start trying to move everybody else for better keepers and picks for 2011. Ichiro is a 3-year keeper… He MUST be moved. Even if FC makes the playoffs, it’s going to be ‘very challenging’ for them make any noise there. (Blog Dictionary definition of ‘very challenging’: Patronization. Really Means: ‘It’s Impossible, Give Up Already’).

6th Place Team – Regulators 69-75-6

Runs - 610 6th
HR - 147 5th
RBI - 605 4th
SB - 102 4th
AVG - .265 9th
W - 68 4th
SV - 53 7th
ERA - 3.30 2nd
WHIP – 1.23 T 2nd
K/9 - 7.74 7th

Needs – Before 8/15… draft picks, draft picks, draft picks!! And an elite 3B. After 8/15, 2 more late run closers, some luck in the rotation, and a whole lot of luck everywhere else.

Strengths – Still has tradable pieces that would help a contender: Chris Young, Jose Bautista, Mike Napoli, Francisco Liriano, even Andres Torres and Jacoby Ellsbury could all contribute down the stretch…. Hint… hint…

What should they do – Threaten to give Snot Young and Liriano for low draft picks unless another contending team steps up with a solid offer to prevent that. again… Hint… Hint… Just imagine how awful it will be to lose to Regs in the playoffs knowing that you could have gutted his roster for some measly draft picks…

5th Place Team – Live Chicken 71-72-7

Runs - 607 7th
HR - 150 4th
RBI - 588 6th
SB - 83 7th
Avg - .269 T 7th
W - 56 7th
SV - 80 3rd
ERA - 4.39 10th
WHIP – 1.34 8th
K/9 - 7.29 9th


Needs - Wait, how is this team currently 5th? They’re top 5 in only 2 categories, bottom 4 in 7 of them! Wow… bravo. They could use more speed. Scott Podsednik is their primary source of steals, and there are only 2 others with double digit steals, and Choo is on the DL. Another Ace or 2 would help (thank you Capt. Obvious. What team wouldn’t benefit from 2 more aces?? … oh, besides Snot…). Also, getting Pedroia back healthy asap would be huge. Another closer would really help too.

Strengths – With the additions of Hart and Quentin, and the resurgence of Prince and Aramis Ramirez, this lineup can bash. Verlander, Lee and Danks are a solid top 3. (Not Lincecum, Johnson, Wainwright… but you know, solid).

What should they do – Play uBOB every week… geesh…Offer Bobz Boyz 3rd and 5th round picks for Sabathia and Elvis Andrus. Jason Bartlett doesn’t need to be owned anymore and even if Andrus just bats .280 with 12 SB the rest of the way, it’s a huge improvement. Maybe offer BB Prince for Votto too since Prince has already been kept 3 times by this franchise. Maybe offer Prince and a 6th for Adrian Gonzalez and Andrew Bailey. If LC can turn Prince, his 3rd, 5th and 6th round picks into Gonzalez, Bailey, Sabathia and Andrus, well, they’ll still lose to Snot, but they’ll be right in line for a shot at 2nd place!

4th place team – Legends 73-73-4

Runs - 679 2nd
HR - 151 3rd
RBI - 623 2nd
SB - 139 1st
AVG - .269 T 7th
W - 48 8th
SV - 65 4th
ERA - 3.97 7th
WHIP – 1.48 10th
K/9 -7.94 5th

Needs – Pitching Pitching Pitching. This offense is legit. This rotation is not. Beckett getting healthy could help, hopefully, but when Javier Vazquez is your #3, you could really use some arms… has 3 quality closers, but that won’t be enough against Snot/Jobu.

Strengths – This is a very, very good and balanced OF. Bruce has slumped, but the return of Vlad the Impaler’s masking agent has really carried this offense. There is a ton of speed here too, unfortunately, too much of it is sitting on the bench.

What they should do – first, pay the deposit to trade picks. Then, beat LC’s offer of a 3rd and 5th to Bobz Boyz for Sabathia. Legends needs him more. Maybe Rios and a 3rd for Sabathia and Wilson? Cut AJ Burnett a month ago. Trade A-Rod somewhere for something since he’s already been kept 3 times (again, preferably pitching). Send an 8th rounder to Regs for Jaime Garcia and cut Javy Vazquez.

3rd place team – Brain Freeze 79-64-7 (notice, there are only 3 teams over .500)

R - 643 3rd
HR - 149 5th
RBI - 604 5th
SB - 131 2nd
AVG - .278 T 2nd
W - 70 T 1st
SV - 7 10th
ERA - 3.54 5th
WHIP - 1.27 5th
K/9 - 7.92 6th

Needs – closers… like, 5 of ‘em… send ‘em on over… if not closers, than upgrades over Wandy Rodriguez, Joel Piniero and Julie Chachin. This rotation is bordering on excellent, but the lack of relievers combined with poor fill-in starters negates most of the good work the rotation does. If those 3 scrubs above were converted into Rivera, Marmol, Rauch somehow… look out. A solid middle infielder would help after Tulo was turned into Carpenter.

Strengths – Solid offense, very good speed, stellar top of the rotation. 3 big pieces (Youk, Longoria and Halladay) have been kept twice though… something to think about.

What they should do – first, pay the deposit to trade picks. Offer Youk, a 4th and 7th to uBOB for 3 of his closers. Get Bailey from Swine. Trade Longoria to Regs for Bautista, Liriano and the great Alfredo Simon… right? Well, the first two anyway… oh, and offer a 3rd to Bobz Boyz for Prado. Also, they should NOT LOSE TO SWINE NINE IN WEEK 16… just sayin… no offense Swiney…

2nd place team – Jobu No Help You Now 84-62-4

R - 598 9th (really?)
HR - 171 2nd
RBI - 613 3rd
SB - 70 9th
AVG - .271 T 5th
W - 69 3rd
SV - 92 2nd
ERA - 3.44 3rd
WHIP - 1.23 T 2nd
K/9 - 8.24 2nd

Needs – First, pay the dep… oh wait, he did. Kind of interesting how the Runs and Steals are both so low. Speed doesn’t automatically equal runs, but it does certainly lead to them. How would Ichiro, Andrus or Chris Young look here? Even someone like Swisher, who would be the leader on this team in runs, could probably be had cheaply to replace Adam Lind, who, frankly, sucks.

Strengths – The pitching has been very strong, even with the recent struggles of Hughes and De La Rosa, but would I trust my playoffs with Nolasco/Sanchez/Scherzer as my 3-4-5 starters? (answer, no). Plenty of power here, but is it at the sacrifice of Runs and steals? Also plenty of closers.

What they should do – make electricity and internet usage illegal in the state of PA. Go get speed. Andrus, Ichiro, Young, Figgins from Legends (should be cheap). Offer Bobz Boyz an 8th for Swisher, and also go after Sabathia or Oswalt.


1st Place Team – Snot on the Ball 1,355,232,327 – 2– 2

R - 731 1st
HR - 184 1st
RBI - 706 1st
SB - 104 3rd (Third? Show some self-respect)
AVG - .292 1st
W - 63 6th (How do you sleep at night?)
SV - 111 1st
ERA - 3.06 1st
WHIP - 1.19 1st
K/9 - 8.93 1st

Needs – um… well, um… they could lower that ERA a bit, a couple more K's… and a few more steals wouldn’t hurt… otherwise, they may only win 8-2.

Strengths - Seriously though. Look at that. tops in 8 categories, and the categories really aren’t close. Only 1 team in the league has a team average above .278. Snot has 52 runs more than Legends. Snot has 83 (!!) more RBI than Legends. Snot has 19 more saves than Jobu. A 0.24 lead in ERA over Regs. 0.69 more K/9 than Jobu. These are big time numbers (Captain Obvious strikes again!). This is not a team that can be put together in one year, this is clearly a two-year project for Snot that has really come together according to plan.

What they should do – PLAY FOR 2011!! Look at all those trade chips! Snot could/should be able to get 4-5 more #1 picks with all that talent! (I tried guys… hope he buys it…)